20 Signs You Should Host an HGTV Show

Do you have vivid dreams about coffee tables? A fondness for sawdust, or a secret desire for a wrench tattoo? Consider these and other signs of HGTV host potential. (Then, maybe think about a new career.)
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December 16, 2015
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You have strong feelings about The Pillow-Plumping Chop.

If you’re a serious interior design buff, you’ve either made a habit of — or decided you hate — giving cushions a Chuck-Norris-esque whack to fluff them up. No pillow aficionado can be neutral about The Chop.

Your projects have their own playlists.

As anyone who’s demolished an old kitchen counter while listening to AC/DC knows, a proper soundtrack is everything. The tunes you cue up to take care of business are already your theme music; now all you need are opening credits.

You check out the tool walls in your friends’ garages.

You can learn a lot about a person by taking a peek at their bookshelves. You can also learn a lot about a person by inventorying their collection of hand drills, wrenches, and screwdrivers.

The team at the local hardware store greets you by name.

It’s nice to feel like you have a home away from home — especially one that has a wide selection of paint brushes and stays open until nine on Friday nights.

You watch a couple buy an obviously haunted house at the beginning of a horror movie and think, “But it has great bones!”

Look, every property has drawbacks. Disembodied voices and inexplicable feelings of being watched might be a fair trade-off for solid construction in an up-and-coming neighborhood.

Your price-haggling performances are Oscar-worthy.

Meryl Streep might have more “traditional” acting triumphs to her name, but no one can top your ability to convince flea-market sellers that you couldn’t possibly bring something home unless it cost just a bit less.

You have a meet-cute story for your favorite piece of furniture.

"I had pretty much given up hope of ever finding a sofa I could really love, and then one afternoon I ducked in out of the rain at this little vintage place in my home town...and there he was."

You drive past a home with a FOR SALE sign and imagine how you’d boost its curb appeal for an open house.

Some quick and clever landscaping, a few touchups to the trim around the front porch...yep, you could kick up a lively bidding war in no time.

You have a bowl filled entirely with green apples on your kitchen counter—and you don’t even like apples.

There’s no shame in appreciating an object’s looks without fancying its taste, mind you. Plenty of people like subway tile in their kitchens, and they’re not eating it, now are they?

You’ve brought home decor back from vacation as your carry-on luggage.

Hair dryers and toiletries, they come and go. A hand-knotted rug from a Turkish bazaar is forever.

You talk about your favorite paint color the way other people talk about their favorite band.

“I was 18 when I first saw Farrow & Ball’s 'Down Pipe,’ and it changed my life—it’s been all over my bedroom walls ever since.”

You leap into action when someone spills red wine — at their house.

When you've mastered a dozen techniques for tackling potential stains, deploying them as often as possible is just good citizenship.

You keep a measuring tape with you at all times...

...Along with a list of your home’s key dimensions. When the perfect accent table for that pesky space between your living room window and the bookcase turns up, you’ll be ready for it. 

You window-shop apartment brokers’ storefronts when you’re visiting other cities, just to see what the local market is like.

Who knows? You might need the inside scoop on the rental scene in Cincinnati or London someday.

You can spot a piece of medium green Fiestaware from across the room.

Anyone can ID an Eames chair these days; the ability to recognize ultra-rare midcentury ceramics, on the other hand, is the calling card of a pro.

What your home will be wearing for the holidays is just as important as (if not more important than) what you’ll be wearing.

A little black dress, a chic outfit you can still host capably in, whatever; you’re more interested in what you’re going to do with your mantel, front door and table settings this season.

You’ve offered to help a friend (okay, many friends) complete their home projects.

Who wouldn't want to spend the weekend stripping and hanging wallpaper or using a sledgehammer on an ugly garden wall? 

You fantasize about color-coordinating your pets and your home.

Few of us who are not Martha Stewart actually have matchy-matchy properties and animal pals, but the dream is real: It’s hard to deny how great, say, a white cat looks on a white couch (and how convenient it is when pet hair blends in with the furniture).

You strategize your storage like a chess grandmaster.

Garry Kasparov faced off against Deep Blue; you have shallow closets and a studio apartment. The big difference, of course, is that Kasparov lost.

You describe a corner of your home as a “moment.”

Ah, designspeak, where something like a bold swath of wallpaper or a cluster of framed silhouettes can become a unit of time! Don’t be self-conscious about it; embrace your weird.

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