15 Types of People You Meet on House Hunters

You love them, you love to hate them, you want to lend them your eyeglasses (or your glass of wine): Meet the real estate world’s cast of recurring characters.

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1: The Dancing Queen

Never mind that she’ll be spending the afternoon exploring unfinished basements and muddy yards; the Dancing Queen is never without her dress and heels, just in case a house tour turns out to be semi-formal.

2: The Geologist

He has two words for you, and they are the only two words that matter to him: GRANITE COUNTERTOPS.

3: The Not-So-Silent Partner

Technically this person isn’t one of the purchasers—they’re an in-law, or a parent who’s helping with a loan—but everyone knows they get a vote (and first dibs on the fancy guest bedroom).

4: The Urban Farmer

After years in a teeny condo without so much as an air plant, this homeowner-to-be is ready for chickens.

5: The Vintage Charmer

Modern amenities, schmodern amenities. This buyer wants every day in their new place to feel like a trip to Colonial Williamsburg.

6: The Pool Shark

Bedrooms, bathrooms, blah blah blah. This merperson-posing-as-a-shopper only has eyes for swimming holes.

7: The Dog Whisperer

“Mister Bojangles is going to love this yard. He will go crazy about these big windows. Ooh, I don’t know how he’d feel about that fireplace, though.”

8: The Party Animals

Formal dining room, massive wet bar, acres of patio space: all compulsory. This couple has already sent out invitations to their eventual housewarming party, and they’ll be hosting every weekend from there on out.

9: The Helicopter Parents

This family needs clear sight lines in every direction, a collective open bedroom, if possible, and tiny video cameras all over the place. Ha ha, just kidding about the video cameras! (Probably.)

10: The Prodigy

According to their intro, this virtual schoolchild socked away enough money for the down payment on a home in just a handful of years. Are they a genius? A criminal mastermind? Available for stock tips?

11: The Demolitionist

No wall or fixture can inhibit a certain kind of buyer’s imagination. They dream of tearing it all down and starting from scratch, like a hero in a post-apocalyptic adventure movie.

12: The Futurist

“That bathroom tile is so dated. Ugh, popcorn ceilings are so dated. How is that stove not in a museum?!

13: The Not-So-Secret Parents-to-Be

It’s very sweet when a couple fixates on houses’ “spare bedrooms” and steals sneaky, loving glances at one partner’s midsection as they shop. It’s not exactly a surprise when they debut a new family member in the follow-up at the end of the episode.

14: The Color Guard

Reasonable people know that a couple of cans of primer and paint can make short work of an eye-searing room. That won’t prevent this guy from announcing that a dark red living room might be a deal-breaker.

15: The Dreamer

Ten-bedroom beachfront properties with quadruple garages and pools tend to fall outside six-figure budgets, but that doesn’t mean one shouldn’t keep one’s eyes peeled for them, right? It’s important to believe in your wish list.

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