15 Types of People You Meet on House Hunters
You love them, you love to hate them, you want to lend them your eyeglasses (or your glass of wine): Meet the real estate world’s cast of recurring characters.
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1: The Dancing Queen
Never mind that she’ll be spending the afternoon exploring unfinished basements and muddy yards; the Dancing Queen is never without her dress and heels, just in case a house tour turns out to be semi-formal.
2: The Geologist
He has two words for you, and they are the only two words that matter to him: GRANITE COUNTERTOPS.
3: The Not-So-Silent Partner
Technically this person isn’t one of the purchasers—they’re an in-law, or a parent who’s helping with a loan—but everyone knows they get a vote (and first dibs on the fancy guest bedroom).
4: The Urban Farmer
After years in a teeny condo without so much as an air plant, this homeowner-to-be is ready for chickens.
5: The Vintage Charmer
Modern amenities, schmodern amenities. This buyer wants every day in their new place to feel like a trip to Colonial Williamsburg.
6: The Pool Shark
Bedrooms, bathrooms, blah blah blah. This merperson-posing-as-a-shopper only has eyes for swimming holes.
7: The Dog Whisperer
“Mister Bojangles is going to love this yard. He will go crazy about these big windows. Ooh, I don’t know how he’d feel about that fireplace, though.”
8: The Party Animals
Formal dining room, massive wet bar, acres of patio space: all compulsory. This couple has already sent out invitations to their eventual housewarming party, and they’ll be hosting every weekend from there on out.
9: The Helicopter Parents
This family needs clear sight lines in every direction, a collective open bedroom, if possible, and tiny video cameras all over the place. Ha ha, just kidding about the video cameras! (Probably.)
10: The Prodigy
According to their intro, this virtual schoolchild socked away enough money for the down payment on a home in just a handful of years. Are they a genius? A criminal mastermind? Available for stock tips?
11: The Demolitionist
No wall or fixture can inhibit a certain kind of buyer’s imagination. They dream of tearing it all down and starting from scratch, like a hero in a post-apocalyptic adventure movie.
12: The Futurist
“That bathroom tile is so dated. Ugh, popcorn ceilings are so dated. How is that stove not in a museum?!”
13: The Not-So-Secret Parents-to-Be
It’s very sweet when a couple fixates on houses’ “spare bedrooms” and steals sneaky, loving glances at one partner’s midsection as they shop. It’s not exactly a surprise when they debut a new family member in the follow-up at the end of the episode.
14: The Color Guard
Reasonable people know that a couple of cans of primer and paint can make short work of an eye-searing room. That won’t prevent this guy from announcing that a dark red living room might be a deal-breaker.
15: The Dreamer
Ten-bedroom beachfront properties with quadruple garages and pools tend to fall outside six-figure budgets, but that doesn’t mean one shouldn’t keep one’s eyes peeled for them, right? It’s important to believe in your wish list.