The Backyard Battle of the Sexes

By Scott Cohen

As an outdoor designer, I frequently work with couples who run into snags when they’re trying to create a backyard they can both be happy with and enjoy. Sometimes the sparks really fly. That’s because men and women often discover that their wish lists are worlds apart.

For men, the emphasis is often on fun, action and entertainment. Bigger is usually better, especially when it comes to their barbecues. For women, cozy, relaxing and intimate are often the ground rules for just about everything from water features to outdoor fireplaces. While a man might want a screaming sound system, a huge barbecue and a gushing waterfall, the woman of the house might prefer a cozy fireplace, soft night lighting and fragrant plantings. Of course, sometimes there’s a reversal and the woman wants a party yard and the man wants a tranquil retreat. In either case, there are those sparks to manage.

Diverse pictures of the ideal backyard can sometimes bring out the worst in us, just as they do in interior design. But with a little understanding, knowledge of available options and some good old-fashioned give-and-take, you and your partner can plan a backyard that brings you together instead of one that drives you apart. Here’s how to avoid a fight scene over your backyard: